Kojak - "Clancy, did you check my tire?" Clancy - "You still have four."
Kojak - "No, lady, I can't go looking for your dog. Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?" (Kojak gets an unheard response over the phone) "Your dog can't read...."
Jill - "Is this the 42nd Precinct??" Kojak - "No, lady, this is my back side."
Benny Hill -"Reading a book called the naked and the dead... Reminds me of my wife."
Benny Hill -"That's what the public wants... New faces."
Benny Hill - "It took an hour to put out the fire. Two to put out the firemen."
Benny Hill - "A woman like that could ruin a man... if he was lucky."
Benny Hill - "She uses so much perfume that when she stands still, she leaves a puddle."
Benny Hill - "Yesterday, she had four potatoes and custard, gefilte fish fingers, swee and sour tripe and jelly on chips." Jackie Wright - "All the same day?" Benny Hill - "All the same plate! She said, "What should I have to wash it all down?' I said 'Niagara Falls.'"